Scratch A Rock

Checklist For Becoming A Real Gentleman

Posted in Miscellany by Bharat Iyer on August 9, 2010

[x] Tweed coat

[  ] Pork-pie hat

[  ] Cane (with a sword inside)

[x] Cigarette case

[  ] Metal lighter

[x] Bigotry

[  ] Pipe {Should have one in a few months}

[x] A knowledge of esoteric and fatuous things such as the difference between a Mughal and a Timurid Turk

[  ] Opium addiction


Week #1 in the Box

Posted in Miscellany by Bharat Iyer on July 25, 2010
  • Plates will accumulate stains in insidious ways; you’ll find them in the least expected places.
  • The newspaper is your saviour. The Times of India works particularly well – there is less guilt when you use it for purposes other than reading.
  • Jat boys spend their day shirtless and in boxer shorts. They spend their evenings in their underwear. They can also often be found bathing together outside the bathroom using a hosepipe.
  • Jat boys think having long hair is gay.
  • When you stand outside the bathroom, wearing nothing but a towel around your waist, bucket and mug in hand, half asleep and harbouring hate for most of humanity (particularly the motherfucker who thought keeping a class at 9 AM is a good idea), seeing the fat bastard from the house across the road strolling around his terrace throwing his hands up in the air and laughing makes you toy with the idea of murder.
  • Cigarette cases are fucking awesome.

I’m Not Gone Yet

Posted in Miscellany, Videos by Bharat Iyer on July 5, 2010

I can explain.


The goal of every bureaucrat is to do exactly what his superior has told him to. Exactly just that.

The goal of every bureaucrat is to make sure that it’s not his fault.

On a completely unrelated note – Gotta love David Mamet.


What are you going to do about it *the most beautiful pause ever on film* asshole?

Posted in Miscellany by Bharat Iyer on June 4, 2010

A bald, older version of me sitting with Hemingway at a cafe somewhere in the hills, even if only in someone’s dream, makes my day. Especially if I was sexier than Hemingway.

If Only Writers Got Red Carpet Launches…

Posted in Miscellany, Writing by Bharat Iyer on June 1, 2010

…and got to sign autographs on women’s breasts.

Is it just me or does the name ‘Nikki Heat’ have stripper/porn-star written all over it?

Perhaps a reference to the Bond girls? When I was younger, the suggestiveness in their names drove me mad.

I saw a bit of Castle the other day. These things struck me.

Quick Calculations and A Note of Absence

Posted in Miscellany by Bharat Iyer on May 25, 2010
  • In two months, my living quarters will be just about the same size as the toilet attached to my room.
  • My toilet will be just about the same size as my bed, and shall be shared by atleast two other people.

When I joined the Facebook group ‘I Picked a Major I Like, and One Day I Will Probably Be Living In a Box’ I never thought it’d come true this soon.


By this time tomorrow, I shall be exploiting the hospitality of my hapless friend in undisclosed-town-close-to-hills-but-unbearably-hot. All he ever did was invite me and not mean it. And owe me 650 bucks.

See you next week.

This month is a good month

Posted in Miscellany by Bharat Iyer on May 15, 2010


Also The Quiet American which had been eluding me since October.


Posted in Miscellany by Bharat Iyer on April 21, 2010

Maintaining a blog with a fledgling, faceless, nameless, drifting readership poses a strange problem. Apart from the slightly disheartening feeling one allays by telling one’s self that it’s a matter of time, there is also the fact that you can’t really address anyone; what do you say when no one’s listening? You can’t say something very personal because you never know who might be eavesdropping. But anything else, anything of substance, feels stupid – like standing on a soapbox and making proclamations in a ghost town.

So what am I going to do then? Write a blog post about how difficult it is writing a blog post, of course.

This is a first post

Posted in Miscellany, The Obligatory by Bharat Iyer on April 16, 2010

There are no aliens here.

Everything purple is out of bounds; unless drug induced.